One year.

Most people do this stuff at the beginning of a year, January 1st. Time for resolutions and changes. More exercise, more laughing, more healthy eating, etc. For me? More reflection. More writing. My year is a different story.

On May 25, 2011, my strong, protective, talented, loving father died unexpectedly from a heart attack. The coroner said there was no sign of any struggle or strain, so let’s take the positivity and just keep it afloat. 

So like I said, this one year is a little different.

I’ll be honest with you guys, I can’t believe I’ve made it this far. Since May of last year my world has done a complete 180. I truly believe I’m a different person because of everything I’ve experienced—both the good and the bad. And since we’re being honest, also because of the really seriously unbelievably awful.

I won’t bore you with millions of details, but I will say A LOT has gone on in a SHORT amount of time. And you’ll soon learn that my motto, while cliche, is legit: Life. Is. Short. 

In May, my daddy died. My family was surrounded by an amazing outpouring of support and to all of you, I will forever be grateful. Thank you. We could not have done it without you. You will never know the appreciation we have for all of you. We are blessed, plain and simple. 

On my birthday, September 18th, my dear, dear friend Jeremy died after battling for his life following a tragic accident.

I was in a rough place after these two “incidents.” My anxiety was severe, as was my depression. I’m not embarrassed to tell you that I spent probably way too much time in my bed in the dark watching things like Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers & Sisters. As in…I watched the entire series of each on Netflix. Eventually, though, I came around and found my social self again. I owe a giant part of this to my amazing friends and you know who you are. You really learn who your friends are when you go through things like this, and let me tell you…it is eye opening. More on that in a later post, otherwise I’ll be writing for dayzzzzzz. (Get it? All the zs….because like…you’ll fall asleep if I keep going on that topic? No? I suck.)

In December, the family did something completely out of the ordinary: we went to beautiful Mexico for Christmas. And what a fantastic, thrilling, uplifting trip it was. It was just what we needed to take our minds off everything and really appreciate the beauty in life. Things were going well. We also found out secret news that my sister and her husband were expecting. (The circle of life you guys, it’s crazy.)

In February, my grandfather (dad’s dad) died. You’re right—another blow. My friends would literally say “Wow. You can’t catch a break.” But at this point I was already starting to look at the positives. Saying things like “Welp. It could be worse.” If you know me you probably just said “WWWWHHHHAAAAATTTTT GIRL???!!!” because, okay, I’m not the most positive person in the world. But I got to spend all this time with my aunts who I adore so much and our relationships have grown and strengthened and it’s truly a blessing to have them in my life. 

In April, another good friend of mine, Kevin, died in a motorcycle accident. I have to tell you, this was the turning point. The amount of people that came out for all the gatherings we had in honor of Kevin….it still makes me speechless. Different groups of friends, people who had been feuding over the dumbest shit…we all came together. And we put it all behind us. I mean, COME ON, that is some awesome stuff, right? Again, eye opening. 

All of these things have really taught me that life is short. The day my dad died I just kept repeating it over and over and over again. Life. Is. Short. (There was an F bomb in there, but since I respect my mother, I’ve chosen to leave it out.) It’s really stupid short, so don’t waste it okay? Tell the people you love that you love them every single day. Give hugs. Don’t hold grudges. Pray. Forgive. Move on. Grow up. 

Here I am, one year after my dad’s death. A year of so many trials and tribulations. A year full of so many wonderful things I wish he could have been present for, you know? But I think he’d be proud of how far I’ve come in a year. I was in a bad place even before he died (it just got worse…way worse after he died). But now? I can wholeheartedly tell you I am in a much better place. You just have to look at the positives and stop dwelling on the negatives. Shit happens. Period. I know for a fact that my poppa is in a better place and he’s proud of me and my mom and my sister for all that we’ve accomplished. My sister got her SECOND MASTERS and is having a baby in August. Like, damn. He’d be crying tears of pure joy. It’s just crazy that while such terrible things can occur, such amazing things can also take place. Call me cliche, I don’t even care, because there is no doubt in my mind, you guys, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Everything.